I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
