you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
