Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
