We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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