I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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