I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
