party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I could make wine with my vomit
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think my moral compass just broke
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
