if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
