It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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