I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
