Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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