i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
