i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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