just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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