I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize