guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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