dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
