I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Me too!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
