I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
