I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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