the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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