i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
