Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
