we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
