i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
