Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
