mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
