Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
