I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
