My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
