Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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