I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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