But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
