i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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