u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
