haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
