She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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