The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
