i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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