sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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