Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
