your room smells of hookers.
And success
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize