So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
