Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Even my vagina gasped.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
