He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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