I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize