Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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