I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
