your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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