I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
