1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
