I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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