i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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