I molested 6 butterflies tonight
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
