Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
