Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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