I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
