He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
