Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
