Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
