I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
