If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
