Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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