i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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