just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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