Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
