I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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