I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
