i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
