What did we do last night that was yellow?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
