I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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