This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
