You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
