Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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