i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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