Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The air was thick with penises
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
