Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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