Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Mom said you looked used
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
