he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
