did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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