U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
